Letter from Lei Lazarus – October 6, 2017

Greetings friends at Off the Left Eye!

There is a saying that states, “God works in mysterious ways” and throughout life we validate this saying again and again. Gathering my own revelations from my personal journey, it seems He sets out breadcrumbs and somehow we’re drawn to follow them, and when we deviate from the path, He creates new paths. Each article, word, dream, book, website, and then Youtube video, led me to find out about a person I’d never heard about in any of my History books, Emanuel Swedenborg. My prayers had been answered! There on the screen were not only all my questions, but lengthy videos and patient people explaining the answers to them on what seemed to be the gem of Youtube channels, Off the Left Eye.

I had positioned myself in my living room with a determination to sort through various three-ring binders, spiral notebooks, a copy of Tao of Physics, a world map, sketchpads, calendars, Bibles, Encyclopedia of Science, a number of religious periodicals, and my own personal diaries. As I sit with them scattered around me, the voice of Curtis Childs flows into my home. It was my daily routine to pray for knowledge that would lead me closer to discovering truth and definition to my recent questionable life experiences. This is how mind boggling spiritual experiences can be, to be content and curious enough to simply sit on the floor, in a nucleus of information, trying to make sense out of chaos. The first video was what the “Off the Left Eye” meant, and like a fish to a worm, I was hooked. Each following video filled me with resonating truth and a sense one gets when they return home.

So, then, who was this Swedenborg guy? Was this some new religion? Is this a cult group? What do they believe? Are they evil? Are they Christian? What are they?

Isn’t that funny, how quick we are to try and categorize or label things or people and how they fit or don’t fit into each different box. I grabbed my laptop and looked up Emanuel Swedenborg, and after reading a short Wikipedia article about him, I jokingly said to my friend “I think I found my family!” That’s how comfortably the information that could be classified as “hard to talk about” was conveyed, and the writing of Swedenborg certainly paired up with my own experiences and authentic, core beliefs. I put my own stuff away and continuously watched Off the Left Eye, like a “binge-watch” Television show! I began writing massive amounts of notes and remained stunned, elated, and even thirstier for knowledge than before. It was like connecting the dots of the mysteries of life. Everything was, and still is, in complete sync, making me create God as some Grand Composer of this Master Symphony, rather than a more fierce, fiery judge and jury.

I decided that I wanted to get in touch with the Swedenborg Foundation and give you my gratitude for the hard, non-profit work and efforts you dedicate to examining and interpreting Swedenborg’s texts. It seems to me that in doing so, you’re restoring a piece of “human” back into “humanity.” I also wanted to write as sort of a tribute to Mr. Swedenborg.

Picture this! It’s after dinner and you turn on the television to see a show, something like “Unsolved Mysteries”. After the dark voice closes in for a commercial break, you realize you have information that would help the authorities close the case! That’s exactly how I feel watching Off the Left Eye! It’s a giddy reaction of having evidence that Swedenborg was right, and by no means, crazy….which means that I, too, might not be as crazy as I thought, either!

With the members of the Off the Left Eye channel reading aloud to me and assisting me in processing complicated information, I discovered some passionate flare, newfound hope, a new assignment, to finally write about my own spiritual experiences. I began writing down an outline of each one as they came back to me in memories, since so many of my notes from the last two and half years are miscellaneous and unorganized. As soon as I grabbed a new notebook to do this challenging task, Jonathan Rose was on my television doing a show about “Five Spiritual Experiences” and he said, “Swedenborg made a list, and so those with spiritual experiences…” and I smiled up at God in my head and said “Thank you!” The past month I’d been working feverishly on a spiritual book of my own accounts that I feel compelled by God to pursue. Though I’ve no idea what will become of it, it just feels good to write it all down from a new perspective and conscience. All of this flows together like notes on a music chart. My faith in God and a true Spiritual Family has been restored, which absolutely delights my heart!

I am hopeful and faithful that the Swedenborg Foundation will prosper; the knowledge that’s within these texts could revolutionize so much of our culture in the best of ways. One of the reasons I am driven to write my own experiences is the happiness these new discoveries bring to my personal life. I want to share this happiness with others as they struggle as we all do. Truth brings about peace, once the pain of the truth is ripped off of course. Truth and birth are never pleasant things, but they lead us to life, and there is definitely a re-birthing of ourselves somewhere in the process. At least, this is what I’ve been able to ascertain from a limited perspective. There was a reunion, or introduction of another aspect of myself, maybe a “higher self” as some call it, and it was comparable to getting to know a new person. I believe if I’d had knowledge of the spiritual world beforehand, if someone ahead of me in this game had written about it and I somehow could have learned it first, had I been warned about the deepest impacts of the evil within it, the reality of “ghosts” and other wild things only found in fantasy, my experiences wouldn’t have been so traumatic. (And, on the flip side, living in the Spirit tells me, if it were any easier, would I have absorbed the truths in the same way? If God cushioned it for me a little better, would I have the same points of view, or newfound purpose?). However, any knowledge can benefit someone else, should it be accepted as even partial truth rather than hastily set aside as the works of insanity.

No matter what diversions I took, no matter what hardships I physically encountered, and from a person who didn’t belong to a church, or baptized as a child, I can tell you that I was completely taken care of in the spiritual sense. From a person who feels she has disappointed God and been failure a in the game of life, I can now question this confusingly to the Lord now, because the Lord came to me. I wasn’t sure who it was and battled with this and the subsequent episodes for the last two and half years. I suppose I always will. My conclusion as of today, with all the hours of research and growth, analyzing, studying, crying, and praying, is that the Lord is absolutely real. I realized it was God that clothed me and nurtured me with unfathomable strength, both mentally and physically, to endure these spiritual trials. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, and I don’t know if it’s preventable or inevitable. That is why I began to pick it all apart in the first place. It was something I would never want to go through again, not the bad parts about it, at least. The good parts made the bad parts bearable, involuntarily putting my faith into something or someone I wasn’t even sure had existed prior to this. I wanted to make sure it didn’t happen again, and wanted to come up with some Emergency Spiritual Kit, or a Mental Health Kit, there had to be something out there that could help me feel safe again.

I do know that when I could look at the night of my first encounter and collect information in hindsight, there was no doubt, no question to even doubt, an absence of thought or weight, no perception of time or even the ground. My ego and physical body seemed to have left me. At one moment I was standing straight up, and in less than a blink of an eye, I am on the floor, at the feet of the Lord, exclaiming “My King!” and although my eyes were open, I couldn’t see anything except amber speckles on a dark canvas. I was depleted of energy, and I couldn’t see for hours following, though my eyes were wide open. It was as if time itself was taking a vacation, and I was momentarily paralyzed.

Just as I encountered what I believe, as of today, without further research or theorizing, to be the Lord, God coming into my life, I also encountered his predator right around the corner. That’s pretty scary, and Swedenborg put these experiences into words I could relate to. I was able to decipher what voices I was questioning, holding them up in front of God and saying “Who is this? Jesus? Or Satan? How do I know anymore?”

One night, following another, separate experience, God responded to me in spirit (A language really, really hard to translate into English). He communicated the difference between the evil and the good. In some language I could suddenly understand, God relayed to me what I just encountered was definitely not from “God.” That God would never “talk” to me in “English” or a specific voice. He would never haunt me as to scare me. He would never ask me to do things for him or in front of him. The Lord told me that anytime I can actually physically see or physically hear (a psychiatrist calls them auditory and visionary hallucinations), pray them away because they are not from Him. The seriousness of it left me so angry, and also frightened, because I could see how easy it is to be tricked, this “being” actually impersonated the Lord, and I began to talk to this “thing”, and the more I talked, the worse my situations got.

As I was recounting this experience to write about it, the Off the Left Eye Channel came out with a video of “If we should talk to spirits” and talked about how they mimic and imitate and I was furious! (Yet grateful, don’t get me wrong, I felt that video was one of the best ones). It was more of a fury of feeling scammed, “I’ve been so had!!” I said to God. Still, I know, it took that experience for me to take the spiritual world very seriously and my life even more so. Now, I believe in two things I didn’t pay much attention to all my life. God and Satan, now a Heaven and a Hell, and forgotten ways of life, to include both the spiritual and physical laws in a balance that’s been buried. This in itself, what I had summed up in 2015 when it started, is the beginning of some unveiling, and the Swedenborg Foundation is like the archeologists’ findings to put together the real dinosaur.

Though a new fan of your work, it is, at least, a beginning of comprehending my encounters on a level I can receive. Once this took place, I could grow, which is a lot different than how the world teaches us to cope, solve, or escape our experiences. Your speech and interpretation of works takes a lot of the fear out of the conversation (Such as how absurd this sounds to the average person) and eases me into this new, or unfamiliar, line of thought, to cope and grow. Without that knowledge, I was stuck, as I imagine so many others might be. I like how Swedenborg echoes something I said on so many different days, “There’s not enough vocabulary. It’s like trying to interpret a language you’ve never heard, and sometimes you get it right, and sometimes you get it wrong. One thing I know is language is the most confusing component of our society!”

My experiences sprouted so many things, and from those sprouts, birthed more seeds sown into my subconscious for the next season. It’s a thirst never quenched, this curiosity is more prevalent and central, with consistent strifes of how to align or balance or determine up from down. In some of my thoughts, I wondered “why me?” and “was it really God?” and “I am so crazy sick in the head” …and then immediately the Spirit of God would snap my attention back to Him. I continue to ponder and analyze what I have seen and heard, and now lean on the Swedenborg Foundation to help further interpret. There’s no other Foundation on Earth that I’ve yet discovered where one can talk freely about spiritual communication with ease, educational enthusiasm.

One specific answer that stemmed from a completely different point of view, was a thought following my understanding that I wasn’t anyone in particular, alleviating my fears of one being “hunted” or “targeted” for some unknown reason. I just happened to be one of the few tuned in. And, would that mean that we’re all tuned in at different times? That perhaps the Lord’s arrival will come to us individually, instead of a big stage presentation in the sky? Could it be that’s the final judgement, or the beginning of something new, the new world, the Great Tribulation, the Rapture, the Alien return, the new Earth, the new or re-new of One Love? I can only speculate, I don’t know. I do know it felt indescribable, and some sort of Awakening or at one point, I believed, even Dimentia. Without some spiritual “dictionary” to refer to at times like these, it’s nearly impossible to pinpoint cause, effect, purpose, or reasoning. I very much enjoyed the video clip when Jonathan spoke about taking “Spiritual experiences” and integrating them into our reality, even using a “what if” scenario to question how much of a Bible we would have if spiritual experiences were removed from it!

These perspectives enforce my mantra of “Change your mind, Change your life”, as once my view of situations, materials, physical and verbal, thoughts and energy were seen through these different set of eyes, my life began to change. Not in any of the ways I’d expected, giving ground to my resolve to encourage others to change their minds to discover their own divine truths about healing, health, and inner wisdom.

I know how crazy this is starting to sound, so I think that’s a good time to close. (Isn’t that funny, because there was that episode on whether or not Swedenborg was just crazy?!) I am abundantly grateful for your time in reading my little “strand of evidence” to support the foundations of Swedenborg’s teachings. It’s a sense of relief that I can’t even describe properly, but maybe as if the lungs are opened up a bit. I wonder if any of us realize how absolutely tensed up we are until we start to even breathe in a different way?!

I’ve wondered how I could give this freedom to others, and to renew a faith long overshadowed by religion and doctrines, division, and separation. I’m excited to see you doing this very thing! I am anxious to watch you prosper, and wish you blessings and success in all your visions for this foundation. If there’s anything I can offer from this small space in my living room in Ocala, Florida, even if it’s only in the spiritual realm that I can do that, well, so be it! Thank you for letting me contribute a little penny for your thoughts. I will be rooting for you along the way!


In Spirit, Love, and Light


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